Maybe I will die alone

This is a thought I have been having for some time now. What if I die in my apartment randomly some day? For atleast three days no one will even suspect anything is wrong. It is very normal for me to not answer my phone, my doorbell, my gtalk messages or for my phone battery to die.

I live alone in a 2 bedroom apartment in Powai, Mumbai. In a city of billions, one gone will not even make any difference to anyone.

My thoughts took over me with greater force when on my way back to my apartment building I saw a tiny bird lying on the floor, dead. People were just walking past it, and not even noticing that the tiny innocuous thing was there, with no breath in it. Tore my heart apart.

And then I got to thinking more about it. Maybe the bird died alone. But atleast it flew around wherever it wanted all her life. At least she was free as long as she lived. And anyone that free cannot be anything but happy. Maybe she didn’t care if people notice her lying dead or not once it’s gone. She only cared about the present moment. And when the moments ended, she ended too, happily.

That’s when I felt, that if I am alone today, it’s not by compulsion, it’s by choice. If I don’t answer my phone and my doorbell, it’s by choice. I choose to be free. I choose to be alone than suffocate myself with the annoying and constant presence of others.

And as long as I live happily, each day, who cares what I look like when I am gone. It’s the days that I am living that matter. Not the days when I die. Maybe I will die alone. But even that will be out of choice, not compulsion.

4 thoughts on “Maybe I will die alone”

  1. Well,
    That is true Arti…

    I often try to look at me with the perspective of the entire universe. In this massive collage of galaxies, the earth is a tiny fragment of dust, and one human on that earth is nowhere close to significant. Though as you zoom in, and reach a point where the universe is your spiritual self, that is where you realise that there are some people who are a part of you, and whom you are a part of… your family, friends and loved ones. It is for them you live, and it is them who will shed that tear when you go away.

  2. Hi ,

    Love your writing.. Like to get in touch with you to talk/exachange some more thoughts..

    I am from Bombay… Left bombay many years back..

    Love photography.. Likes writing.. thinking and thought process already there in mind.. but yet to start writing..

    People / friends say.. i talk too much.. i should write for wider audience.. but i speak out of my mind.. not for others to enjoys or read.. Loves to talk to like minded people.. although very few people found, It is like searching for star in day light..

    So this is reason, i grab every opportunity , comes in my way to contact someone, with whom i get first hint of matching Frequency ..

    Look forward to hear soon… by any possible means.. talk/chat/emails or you suggest..

    Keep writing..


  3. I quote DH Lawrence:
    “I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself.
    A small bird will drop frozen dead from a bough
    without ever having felt sorry for itself”


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